So… Facebook was kindly reminding me that I haven’t written anything in more than 75 days. As much as it is important to keep up the blogs and the website running, if Simply Just Mine’s mission is to embrace our sorrows and struggles and promoting honest (or blunt) sharing of our lives even bad ones, I thought I needed time to embrace and then write something when I can share.
If writing about my 31 years of life was hard…. I think this one is harder because I am afraid that it may be the every parents/kids (old or young)’ nightmare.
I have talked about my mother’s influence in my life and how my Hemangioma has impacted her life as well. I have numerous time mentioned the burden of not being able to give back to my mother for what she has done for me.
Well, to talk about the positive side of the story, unlike many average people, I, again specially, given a life time opportunity to return TLC I received from my mother. Not the way I wanted to.. but OH WELL!! Dang it.. at least I got the chance.
My loving mother has been diagnosed with Sinonasal Undifferentiated Carcinoma (SNUC)- Cancer in Sinus. Try not to google… it’s depressing and flu season might make you very nervous! And those of you who would like to take the spot like… Sorry… you are not that special as my mother!!! As always, excuse my bluntness. It is a rare aggressive cancerous tumor that had cover the skull area & left eye area of my mother’s face stemming from the nose- sinus area. As I am a frequent flier for CT scan and MRI, I have learned to identify few things. YUP it was freaking huge! So, an appoint to find out if she’s responding to the treatment for polyps turned into a referral to ENT Head and Neck Surgeon followed by bloody biopsy- starting from the nose spray… then Cancer Center meeting, pre-opt tests, embolization and finally… 8.5 hours of Surgery… on Head, Nose/Eye and Neck.
My mother has shown tremendous amount of strength without being oddly (Stupidly) stubborn. As soon as she heard the diagnosis, she asked couple of questions, and agree to the surgery option first even though she was told that it might be the hardest procedure for her but because the doctors also said it was the best way. She has radiation and chemo treatments still waiting for her. She let me take over her finances and legal matters without being upset. She has calmly worked on her will and living will. Not because she thinks of the worst or given up… but because it’s life and that we do our best to do what’s needed at the time and try to make the best decisions.
She had spent last two month with more enthusiasm about life than I have ever seen in my life. She honestly expressed what she wanted to eat or where she wanted to go. OH YEAH we still had our World War 3… which was recovered by some sociopathic nurse at Christiana Hospital (Blood work and urine test station) who told my mother to cover her mouth when she cough, when my mother was actually choking from not being able to breathe well through her nose or mouth- when we explained 4 times, we got this response “oh ok, I am not talking about her breathing, I am talking about her MANNERS.”- She has not even looked my mother’s paper work yet. after 15 minutes of this lecture about manners. She even said!!! OH wait for it!!!! “My health is at risk!”
I did want to gurgle out my inactive tuberculosis – of course making into active for this very purpose, and spit my mucus on her face. Well, point is… this terrorist kinda seize the WW3.
My point is… we still had our life. Just because my mother is sick that we all of sudden became somebody else. We were who we are.
It’s been exactly 6 days that she has been back home from the hospital after her surgery on October 9th.
She is making a fantastically remarkable recovery. She eats everything and anything I cook for her. She sleeps really well.
She does have her own fears. Like when she was sitting at the couch and keep venting about people who are stupid…. she said later, “I am actually sitting here and not trying to go to bed because I would like to take shower before I go to bed. But I am afraid to look at my stitches.” I offered to accompany her when she open her gauze. She opted to do it on her own. I respected her wishes because that’s how I am, too. She took shower from neck down on the first night that she has returned home. the next day she washed her hair and showed her stitches. She looks beautiful and the stitches looks like a hairband with patterns, as if she has her hair pulled back from the forehead with the headband.
I do like that she has to have cancer or sick this soon. However, I am going to appreciate the opportunity that has given to me, time to return TLC I received from my very brave mother. I am grateful that I can work on telling her how wonderful she is instead of regretting for not saying later. I am truly thankful for the way she raised me. Because I was grown up to be ready for all the chaos and dramas in medical land. I am even grateful that I didn’t become a doctor even though it gets me mad to see some idiots working as doctors because I can give all to my mom without an ounce of doubts or moral dilemma that I might have had being a doctor who is giving care for other people.
I would like to send a positive message to those of you who inevitably wonders what would happen to your little ones with disorders, if you get sick… believe it or not… They will be there for you because they somehow learn from your care for them. Of course 5 year old kid won’t be able to take you to the hospital and cook you food but I guarantee you…. He or she will bring you a tea from his or her toy tea set. He or she will call the santa for you to bring you present of health. He or she will break out their toy doctor/nurse kit. He or she will give you hugs. IF nothing good at all, he or she will throw the tamper tantrums to remind you that you are still alive to hear all that and to realize that there’s more potent thing than cancer or illness that can shake your world, it’s your kids with tamper tantrums. In conclusion.. if you can survive that… you have a great hope that you can survive anything!!!!! <3
With Much Love,
Sarah from Simply Just Mine
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