When I think of having my own baby someday.. I truly look forward to holding a bottle. I felt like that when I was holding a bottle for my baby brother. I can also see smile on my mother’s face, too. There’s no picture of my mother holding a bottle and feeding me. Instead I have this picture, which I’ve always believed that it is such a cute picture. She used to talk to me constantly even before I was born.
As I mentioned to my mother how much I love this photo, she confesses the truth behind this photo. She told me that this was the most heart breaking time for her as she talks me into the next process that is bit painful for me. Putting in feeding tube. She’s my mother and she knows I have to be fed to survive… but that process is almost the process of torturing for both of us.
She couldn’t tell if I didn’t want the milk anymore or not… and I would have to take it all. And the next part… where I throw up most of it because I was force fed. Many mothers are so proud to breast feed their babies.. and sometimes make it sound like that what mother must do. Makes.. some mother like my mother so guilty… I don’t think anyone can imagine how my mother felt and feels now.
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