I believe it was when I was 5 years old.
I was washing my face, I suddenly realized that I look different. It wasn’t that I had something particular on my face that day. It was my birthmark that I noticed. Up until that day, I don’t think I felt any different than other people. I don’t remember what was so particular about that day but just sudden click or light switch went off in my head.
I look different.
The left of my face, wrinkly skin, blood bursting look and distorted lip….
I remember thinking, ‘My mother doesn’t have face like mine. I can’t put on lipstick like her.’
Everyone remembers me. I wondered if my mother lost me in the middle of the street would she be looking for me as she describe me as, a girl with the red thing on her face.
I think I quickly somehow got over that shock. It more like settled in me as some kind of reality for me.
When I was about 9years old, I was at my friend’s house playing in front of the mirror. My friend asked, “You look different in the mirror.” It took me a long time to understand what she meant. I think I finally understood what she meant later when I was learning how mirror works in more scientific ways. Just like some mirrors make you look fatter or thinner, my face looked more distorted in the mirror. We only get to experience when we get a mirror that terribly made. However, for me, any reflection.. or slight fracture light creates exaggerated image of my facial difference. I believed that image for the longest time… I relied on those inaccurate images for the longest time. I still do.
What image of you do you believe? I wondered….
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