I am a big fan of Investigation Discovery channel show. I believe there is a word for people like me, ID addicts. My family members sometimes have a hard time understanding why I would watch shows featuring horrifying stories of murders and other brutalities. The part of these shows that I enjoy is not the gruesome real stories. It is the part where people have survived a horrifying incidents in their lives including the family members that were affected by the incidents. I also learn the importance of keeping morale standards despite how world may seem unjust for me.
Tonight, ID channel was featuring a woman who grew up being bullied because of her facial scars. She became a con artist as she was growing up. Also, she projected her life time angers towards anyone around her, finally towards her stepchildren as well. Her anger turned her into a narcissistic manipulative and awfully evil person.
I know what it feels like to be bullied because of the face I have. I can dare to say that I went through all levels of bullying. I totally know the magnitude of the anger that can build up inside a person with that kind of experience. I certainly know how hard it is to face and live through world that is so unfair.
However, the harder part of my life journey was redirecting my focus to something better for others and myself. Redirecting the feeling of not wanting to be myself to loving myself has been very hard. As I still struggle with some emotions, something that I tell myself is that I cannot help others disliking me but if the entire world is going to hate me for who I am (at times, it may feel this way ) least I can do for myself is to love me for who I am. The more I feel angry at my past and the world that has made me feel lonely, I try to love myself more. (It’s a working process.) I think this is one of the many reasons that I turned out to be different than the woman that was featured in the ID channel show. Of course my loving family and life time friends helped my journey immensely. -It took me a long time to see this, too.
I am proud of the journey that I chose to take and the effort I put in redirecting and keep finding a better path in life.
To simply put, “Dang, I am glad I didn’t turn myself into a murderous monster!” I am happy that I can embrace my life even if it is a hard journey and not always rosy.
I am now pondering what would be a good way to resolve enormous anger without diminishing or disregarding the anger so that it does not turn into a life-long emotional scar. What do you all think?
Simply Sarah
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